Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Middle-Aged Baby

Is it really necessary to rip up your receipt and throw it in my face? You're the one who wanted your money back, it's not my fault I have to ask you to sign for it.

The only message it sends is: "I'm a spoiled, middle-aged brat who throws temper tantrums like a child." In fact, you should probably just wear a sign around your next letting everyone know to stay out of your way.

Do you have friends? I'll bet you do. You probably have lots and lots of friends, just like you! You probably all agree that customer service is going down the drain everywhere and you should be treated better.

In case you're wondering why I yelled at you and called you a child, it's because you ripped up your receipt AND THREW IT IN MY FACE.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Dreams and Lessons

Why do you choose to work where you do?

     Perhaps you’re just a baby starting you’re very first job, eager to make some money so you can buy all the trendy brands and make an appearance at all your friends’ parties. Maybe you’re saving up for that shiny new car to impress the female variety of population, or the business partners you hope to make. Quite possibly you’re trying to pay off that student loan so you could make even more money. Most likely you’re just trying to pay bills and get by, spending a little extra here and there to make yourself feel and look better to the rest of us.

     A lot of us work jobs that we utterly despise to have all of these things.  IPod’s, televisions, cars, vacations, houses, gadgets that only the people who built them know their true use, alcohol and frivolous nights out trying to score a romp in your bed (top quality, no doubt). How many of us would be better off without these things? How many of us would actually be able to afford our living situation without running off to buy the next big thing? All of us.

How many of us actually want to live without these things? None of us.

     Would you go absolutely bonkers if you couldn’t catch the latest gossip or photos on Facebook? Would you weep uncontrollably without the ability to check your email or the breaking news on the web? Would you toss and turn at night, wishing you could have a car or a house as nice as the one your friend just bought? I think you would.

     To all of us mindless sheep out there, who work these terrible jobs for less money than should be acceptable I say, soldier on! Without your cranky dispositions and holier-than-thou mindsets, I would not be where I am today.
     Here I am, sitting comfortably in front of my shiny new laptop, writing about the experiences I share with you day-in and day-out. Our loving relationship has brought to me the opportunity to share with the world, the rest of those wandering mindless drones out there, just how valuable the workplace really is.
     It is a teacher, giving us lessons every uncomfortable shift that we work; sometimes we’ll take these lessons to heart and sometimes we’ll laugh in their face and move on, but no matter what we’ll always remember them.
     One lesson that I have learned is this: There is always someone out there who hates their job more than me and, no matter what job I am currently working, it is my fate that I will run into them and they will try to make my life miserable.  I have accepted my fate.
Perhaps you should too.

     Just accept that you’re going to have to keep that crappy job to pay for everything you’ll ever want and please just accept that you’re never going to have everything that you’ll ever want. But please, keep putting on that ugly uniform and taking out your hatred for it on everyone around you. Maybe one day, because of it, one of us will get where we want to be in life.

You’ll have your shiny new car and I’ll get to write about it when you run over my toes, squealing out of the parking lot.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Oh, I don't think so!

Following my post about the Top 10 Reasons a Customer Will Yell At You I just wanted to share a little story about a customer who came into the store.

Here's a little word visual for you: There are two cashes and six self-checkouts available at this time, as it's quite early I guess they didn't think they'd need too many cashiers (and of course I don't need to mention the hour cuts the lovely store manager bestowed upon us). There was a line at the express checkout, for some reason people are terrified of the self-checkout - I guess that whole, "Please scan your first item and place it in the bag. Please place the item in the bag....please place the item in the bag...PLEASE PLACE THE ITEM IN THE BAG!!!" (At which point people usually freak out and run off, but that's a story for another day my friends) it's just not very appealing, but still. I mean there are SIX cashes you could be using that the attendant could be helping you and you'd be out of the store faster. Anyway.

There's a lady, a young lady, around twenty-five years old I guess. She's just screaming and freaking out in line; remember that whole part in the Top 10 about people screaming about why are there not enough cashiers? Yeah. "This is ridiculous!! I didn't come here to stand in such a long line!! Why are there only two cashes open?!" So, the self-checkout attendant offers to help her go through there so it would be faster for her. Well, no, that would be ridiculous I guess, because she screams, "I'm not going through one of those things!! It's a cashier's job and I am NOT doing it by myself!!!"

Whatever.

This is getting long, so basically she just goes through the cash SCREAMING at the cashier, and would you believe that a  man who didn't even know her just joined in screaming?! The cashier started to cry. A supervisor had to come off the only other cash open and tell this woman to get out of line and go pay somewhere else because she's holding up the line even more and she's being rude. So she went to customer service and screamed at that girl too.

Now, I'm a supervisor also and I understand my job is to help people and solve their grocery problems but had I not been busy with something else this story would have a different ending. The whole you're a rude person, you should be ashamed, get out of the store thing would have been thrown in her face followed by a nice swift kick in the bum crack, if you know what I mean.

The weirdest part is, I don't think she thinks she was being rude. I think she left the store and complained to everyone all day about what a terrible store it is, with awful customer service. I mean...just try and wrap your head around that and I bet you can't. I sure haven't been able to.

Top 10: Reasons Why a Customer Will Yell At You

So, you think you’re a great cashier, huh? Always smiling, never failing to ask someone how their day is going, automatically packing the customer’s bags with the heavy stuff on the bottom, you even pointed them toward the best offers in the store. Then, in the middle of your speech about how being a cashier is wonderful because you get to interact with lovely people, it happens. “Wait. Wait...stop! What is that?! That’s not right!” WARNING: Transaction gone wrong.
Here are the top ten reasons why that customer is going to yell at you, no matter how sweet your dimples are.

10) They couldn’t find a parking place.
                You all know how shopping on the weekend is, especially for groceries. One of the most confusing things is when a customer gets extremely aggravated about not being able to find a parking space. They KNOW it’s going to be full, particularly in the afternoon, they come every week and witness this. You begin to wonder, after so much complaining, why don’t they just come at an earlier time? Or perhaps an evening during the week? There is no way this can be your fault, but you had better believe you’re going to hear about it while you’re scanning through their groceries.

9) There were no carts left.
                After doing the Indy 500 around the parking lot, looking for a space, the customer is no doubt writhing in anger just wanting to get the groceries and get the hell out of there. Of course, at this point in the afternoon, there are no more shopping carts left to be used. Why, you ask? Well that’s because every single person in your city is out shopping at this time. It is not your fault there are no carts, you’re not hiding them behind your till just to spite this one particular customer. You did not hear that they were coming and therefore could not reserve a cart for them, you should be truly sorry! This is all your fault!

8) They can’t find the items in the flyer
                Your store is very crowded and it’s too big, nobody can find a damn thing in it. How do you expect people to find anything if you hide it all? Typical complaint, to which you would probably respond with, “Oh, did you look in this aisle? It should be [insert exact location of product here].” And in return you would probably receive a glare and a shout of, “I looked there! I’ve been up and down every aisle and it’s not in any of them! I looked exactly where you just said and it’s not there.” Unfortunately the only way to deal with this customer is to take them and show them the product, at which point they either apologize or grumble that it’s in a stupid place. If you’re on cash, it’s too late, they’re going to let you know about the lack of employees to help them at your location and how it’s a stupid store that they hardly ever shop at. Just smile and nod sympathetically.

7) The clerk in the deli/seafood/bakery/produce department couldn’t (most likely, wouldn’t) help them
                Oh, fellow employees! How you love to hate them and love to hate them! This is one of those moments where you hate them. Why couldn’t they have just helped the customer, no matter how rude they may have been, why oh why did they have to slight them like this! Now you have to hear all about how the “people who work at this store are so lazy! Every time I come in here they’re just standing around and can’t help me! This is the worst customer service of all the stores I shop at!” So why do they come back? Because it’s where they shop, no matter what they want you to believe. If you point this customer towards customer service, they will protest that they’ve already spoken to the manager and nothing has been done. They look at you in disgust; you’re just another useless employee.

6) The old people are congregating in the aisles, preventing them from moving at lightning speed to their destination.
                No matter how big the store is, there always seems to be an unnaturally high concentration of elderly people in the aisles. Perhaps it’s because they’re slow moving, or maybe they like the comforting feeling of being surrounded by a crowd. Nobody understands why old people do what they do, not even you. Imagine an elderly person trying to reach an item on the top shelf; their cart is in the middle of the aisle, their cane is lying haphazardly on the floor and their knees are shaking from the effort. This sight is infuriating for people who just want to get their things and get out. No amount of old lady cuteness will detract from the anger building inside; by the time they’re in your line they’re ready to explode. Watch out kids, this one’s a ticking bomb.

5) They have young kids with them.
               
This is a common sight in the supermarket, a frazzled young mother with a child under the age of 5 and a baby. Picture the kid: hair sticking in all directions, maybe a candy stuck in it from previous adventures, their hands are all dirty and their clothing dishevelled. They’re probably singing and/or screaming about a toy they saw in the store. The baby is just crying. Not only is everyone in the entire store watching the scene before you, but they’re also commenting. This mother is in the spotlight and she does not like it. Whether she yells at you or not, she will be snappy and rude and you’ll just have to get over it. You’ll probably empathize but you’re not getting off free from this.

4) The customer before them has a long order.
                People don’t read signs. You’ll learn this very quickly as a cashier, everything from the debit/credit machine swipe to the “Do not place heavy items on the belt” signs, do not get read. You’ll learn this even more quickly if you know anything at all about express cashes. Oh yes, if you’re on the express till you’ll get people with way more than 10 items. If you’re not on the express till you’ll get people with only one item who complain about having to wait. If you point out the existence of express cashes for their convenience, don’t expect them to be polite about it or to ever remember. They’ll be back and they’ll be in your line.

3) “These lines are just ridiculous! You should have more cashiers on!”
                Yes, why don’t you pull out your list of phone numbers and muster up all the authority that you have and get on that! How silly of you to think that this would be enough cashiers on a day like today! If only you were the manager. This is killer. This customer is extremely angry, tapping their foot and looking at their watch (real or imaginary), they’re sighing as loudly as possible and they’re complaining to those in line around them. There’s no getting out of this one, you’re in for a good tongue lashing as soon as they lay eyes on you.

2) Something has scanned at the wrong price.
                Oh no, it’s happened. That yogurt that was supposed to be on sale for $3.49 has scanned in at $3.99. The customer will completely stop the order, search for the flyer, and point out a product for you to see the correct price and demand you change it. Of course, you’ll have to call for a price check first, since you can clearly see that the items are not the same but they’ll never believe you. The price check will hold up the line and soon they’ll all be huffing and puffing, but hey, this yogurt is $0.50 off. You’ll either have to explain that it’s not the right product (often the case) or you’ll have to concede that it is and have it changed for them, subjecting yourself to the gloating that follows.
                It gets really tricky if your store follows the ‘Scanning Code of Practice’ and they demand to get the item for free. Whoever decided that someone should get something for free based on a few cents price difference, is seriously not very brilliant. Not only is this customer now freaking out in your line but it is creating an entire generation of greedy shoppers (the entire basis of this blog, let’s not forget).

1) You looked at them wrong.
               This is it, you’re smiling and doing your thing and just chatting about how grocery shopping is so awesome and then all of a sudden the person in front of you is breathing fire down your throat. What happened?  You know those really awkward facial moments that the camera always seems to capture? Those horrible moments in time that live on forever because of that one picture? The picture that everyone looks at and laughs at and secretly wonders how they never noticed your terribly twisted features? Yeah, one of those moments just happened. That customer just looked at you and you ruined their day in that split second. “What’s your problem?” They snarl at you and you’re so caught off guard you just stammer and shrug. They stalk off, furious and offended that you could ever look at them like that and you’re left at your cash, confused and saddened. 

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Oh the Wealthy!

I've held a few unsavory jobs in my employment history, unluckily for me they've included a couple grocery stores. Grocery stores are a weird place to work at. I'm sure there are more than a few of you out there who have shared this thought, while standing idly at a till, waiting for that one customer who will come and comment on how you "look like you were waiting!" for them. Or, how about when the store is about to close and there are about twenty-five people standing in your line, as you are now the last cashier, and they all have way too many items; I'm sure the thought, "Who shops this late at night!?" has gone whipping around your mind faster than you can even blink.

Yeah. We know all about it.

I had initially thought, when starting a new job as a cashier at a grocery in a more affluent area of the city, that maybe this store would be different. Of all the grocery stores that I could possibly work at, this one would be better. The customers would not demand the delicate handling of their mock chicken; the employees would be able to suppress their childish need to gossip on others they work with; the managers would not be overweight, middle-aged men who felt a need to assert their "power" over women.

I now see that I am a very naive individual.

In addition to the mock chicken eaters, employees reliving high school, and that manager who's always pulling up his pants over his stretched abdomen....there is money. Wealthy people. Doing Groceries.

Welcome to my world of grown adults throwing temper tantrums, questions and comments that are worrying in regards to the fate of common sense, rude insults thrown at the most unsuspecting, and the laughable sense of superiority that these same people hold over all those around them.

This is your average grocery store; these are NOT your average customers.